Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
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I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
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I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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