There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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