i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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