So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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