I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
