when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
