apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
