the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
