$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
