Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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