Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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