i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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