So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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