Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
