he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
