I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
