I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize