omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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