My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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