don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
