"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
