textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
