are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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