no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
