??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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