and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
