I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
