So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
