well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
