I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
