He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
