I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Terrible idea I love it
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
