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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
as a side note pls kill me
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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