Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
