If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
This house was built for laser tag.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
