guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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