Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize