I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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