i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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