We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
