Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
