I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
