I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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