haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
