I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.