ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
