I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.