Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind

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(567): View more from Ohio

i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial

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(269): View more from Michigan

I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.

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(419): View more from Ohio

He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(516): View more from New York

Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on

(917): View more from New York City

Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.

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(734): View more from Michigan

The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.

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(416): View more from Toronto

i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.

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(585): View more from New York

this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile

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(813): View more from Florida

Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.

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