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Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
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