my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Found the puke drawer
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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