and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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