i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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