I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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