I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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