Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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