So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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