Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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