I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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