Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
