Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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