Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
