the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
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Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
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also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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