It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
