I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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