i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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