turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
