I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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