everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
