why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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