and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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