what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
