she smelled like a LAN party
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
