Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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