i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
