So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
