the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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