Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
