at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
