I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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