you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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