i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
