It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
